Thursday, July 19, 2012

Exploding normality...

I will never feel safe or pain free, at least not until I die. I don't understand why others think that I'm beneath them and can dominate me. WOW! life is so painful; it's so finite; it's so UNBEARABLE!

And others say there is no normal??? Sure... Okay, let me put it this way. I wouldn't mind a life that BORING. Too much drama in mine - just would like BORING! Maybe the way would be to keep away from my neighbors.

Gee, my upstairs neighbor always draws the cops here, constantly gets in fights with people he brings over, has been arrested many times, doesn't put money in for the dryer, brings unknown people over here, has been robbed, BUT Mean Marlene loves him - he does not scare her. PRETZEL LOGIC for sure.

I'm not perfect by any means, but I take out the trash cans when Mean Marlene asks me and even when she doesn't sometimes, I try to be as quiet as possible, pay for my dryer loads, give her dogs treats, play with them, walk them occasionally, give her part of the flowers I buy, and I generally do my best to be respectful and nice to her. BUT I scare her and she accuses me of things I don't do. DOES NOT COMPUTE! NOPE...

Okay, it will take a while for this to go away, but it will...Just don't think I'll ever feel safe while I'm alive. Thank God I have God, Jesus, & Sasha...

Poetically speaking

Pain bring out creativity. It comes from deep within and seeks release.

"Pain is a flower like that one,
like this one,
like that one
like this one."               Robert Creely, "The Flower"

Shadow Petals

Deep bruises shadow petals
Where white purity lacks necessity
Floral stalks sprout flourish grow die
– a short life –
Alive promoting beauty
Dead teaching lessons
It is piercing pain reminiscent
of what is mysteriously terrifying
lurking on the edge of sleep
but not allowing sleep but scaring into wakefulness
then forgetfulness

Morning: in the light a hangover of pain persists
Memories fade although it is thought wounds
Will be remembered after they heal
No, says the Universe, I will
take you to another place
Trust me, although it’s thorny, but trust me